Sunday, June 29, 2008

15. Softball and Sun

I don't like sports. Actually, most the time I hate sports. (Especially watching... Soccer wasn't too bad to play in youth group, and tennis, badminton, volleyball or swimming can be fun if it isn't really competitive.)

But, I've managed to sit through a couple softball games that I enjoyed.
My grandma's ex-husband's granddaughter plays softball, and twice I've gone with my grandma to watch. Because I don't care for sports, that is certainly not the reason I went. I go because, one, my grandma is getting old enough that although she is capable, we still don't like her driving an hour and a half away by herself. And mostly, two, now that she's divorced, she gets much more lonely.

So, the first softball game was about two years ago, and the first time that I remember meeting this family. I don't recall if she won the game that time or not, the field was situated about eye level... which meant when the wind blows (and it was really blowing that day!)... well, we didn't watch the game quite so much.
This year it was hot, running around 100 I believe. So, we didn't really talk so much during the game. (I got a lovely sunburn... of course I knew I should put on sunscreen, and of course my grandma had some, but... I didn't. My forehead is peeling now. Yuck.)
I don't know how the girls played with so much heat, but they won, 5 to 3. This meant they got to play again at 6 instead of right away at 4. Grandma was trying to make me decide whether we were going to go home then or stay and watch the other game. We ended up going back to the hotel (air conditioning, yay!), and hanging out with the younger daughter while the others went back for the second game (which they lost... but there were still more games to play the next day). I have a couple interests in common with the younger girl, so it was fun talking with her. Afterwards we went out for pizza and then grandma made me drive home. (She often does when it's dark out. It's really weird driving her van, I'm used to a huge vehicle, but not used to sitting up so high.)
Well, that's all I have to say for today except that I wonder how long I'll remember what I understand about softball at the moment.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

14. Job 1:2-3

Job 1:2-3
And seven sons and three daughters were born to him. Also, his possessions were seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen, five hundred female donkeys, and a very large household, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the East.

...On the other hand, I don't want ten kids and eleven thousand animals or a large houshold. Thank you God that I don't have overwhelming amounts of people and animals relying on me. I am glad to not be the greatest of all the people in the east or west. I don't want to stand out. Lord, help me to want to stand out from the world, to shine for you so others can see You in me. Sometimes I need to remember I'm supposed to be an alien here, and even though standing out makes me uncomfortable, that is what I'm here for. Thank you God that no matter how I fit in here on earth, You still love me and want me to shine for You. Guide me in Your Will and increase my faith!

<-- Job 1:1                                                                                                                                Job 1:4-5 -->

13. Money and a Job

How do people pick jobs? Do I have to stay at Walmart forever? Argggh!
I mean, Walmart isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but still, I make just enough to cover my bills. According to my money program on the computer, in 10 years I might have saved $2000. Now, I admit that I could budget better, but not better enough that I'll be able to afford a new computer (mine is an 8 year old laptop, and is falling apart), or a newer car, and get my other two wisdom teeth out.

I suppose there is still the hope I'll find someone rich to marry.

So, at least I have a job at the moment. I can't complain too much. I've been without a job more than I want to think about. And, I do have a lot more than a lot of people. (A room full of shelves, 13 banana boxes worth of books, a old and cracked but still usable computer, the use of a car, food and water, a roof over my head....) So, it's not like I'm really complaining. Basically, I'm just unsure if the rest of my life is going to be wasted not saving money and not doing a job I really like.
But I don't know what job I really want.
I can tell you some of the things I'm good at: organizing, typing, colors and words, listening, following directions, attention to details, learning, collecting data, working by myself
I can also tell you what I'm not good at: working quickly, sales (convincing people of things), being sociable, anything to do with phones, leading, numbers, making decisions that effect other people (being decisive in general), explaining, high pressure, mechanical, hard work, anything not structured or where I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing (at least to start out with), creativity
Got any suggestions of a good job for me?

I know, I keep telling myself that getting a different job is really so I can actually save money. (Who really wants to retire?) But, I can't help not wanting to get a job I won't enjoy. Honestly, with my wonderful social skills, I'm pretty sure nobody would hire me for a job I don't really want. (Which is why I'm working at Walmart- the person interviewing me was really nice and tricked me into being more talkative. I doubt that's gonna happen again.)

I have two years retail experience (too many people, help!), one or two years office experience (but most of those you have to use a phone and I hate phones), and tons of experience with kids (but I get tired of kids and I'm not sure what job I'd have with them anyway... not doing daycare and not good enough at explaining to be a teacher.)

If I was more decisive I might go into interior decorating. If I was more creative I'd write books. If I didn't need as much money I'd work for the church (our assistant secretary is retiring). If I was bolder I might go into missions. (I did want to be a missionary when I was little. What happened? Mostly I don't want to go somewhere far away alone!)

Honestly, I always thought I'd be married by now, stay at home and homeschool my three children. Ha! I'm 26. I've never been on a date in my life! I never meet new guys (unless you count the customers at Walmart). I work as a stupid cashier. I waste my time staring at the computer. And I keep forgetting to put God first. That's it. That's me. I don't know where I fit in this world.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

12. Boring People

As I was thinking after Post 9: Boring, I remembered this discussion I had with a friend back in college about boring people and thought I'd post about it. I wrote it as a letter when I'd mentioned it to my cousin and she seemed to want to hear more about it. Hopefully you understand it... names aren't actually changed because I'm lazy and am not in contact with any of these people anymore anyway. :(
Written October 18, 2004:

Dear Sir or Madam:

I would like to take the time to inform you about a study planned on Boring People. It began while emailing with Adam during the fall of 2000.

I told Adam he was weird because he took one of his midterms just for fun and he asked why I thought he was weird (silly question). I replied that taking tests involved thinking (I was going through a thinking rebellion at the time), but assured him that my favorite people are all weird (as I was later quoted as saying to another friend, “If you’re not weird, something’s wrong with you!”).

He gave the decent reason that taking the test would help him know what the students in the computer science lab were facing being as he worked there. I responded that having a good reason didn’t make him less weird. He said, “I wouldn't want to be any less weird... I like being weird... it's fun, weirdness is a sign of uniqueness :)” To which I replied that anyone who is not weird may not be unique and is quite possibly boring. Adam said my response implied that I couldn’t stand boring people, which is where we began the discussion of boring people.

Jil- “And what good would boring people do us? I read somewhere recently that people who are bored a lot are possibly boring people. I sure hope not, because I get bored a lot!”

Adam- “We might be able to come up with some use for boring people...I mean they can't be useless can they? Whether or not you're possibly a boring person would depend on how you personally define "a lot", after all that word is kind of vague.”

I agreed that there must be something we could use them for and replied to his questioning of my use of the word “a lot”. “I guess maybe "a lot" is a little more than is really true for me, but not enough for boring people. And actually, it's not that I am truly bored most of the time. It is that I have so many things that I want/need to do, that I don't know what to do, so I do nothing!”

Adam decided that we could use boring people to do menial labor tasks but I replied that they might get even more boring. We discussed giving them exciting jobs and seeing if they would learn to be interesting/weird/unique, therefore in theory redeeming them from their boredom. I rebelled against the idea of theories, them being caused by thinking, but suggested we find some boring people to test the so-called theory on anyhow.

Adam- “Thinking isn't bad.... in order to be weird a certain amount of thought is required.”

The discussion on where to find boring people came next. Adam suggested the religion department, emphasizing the fact that there truly were boring people there. My suggestion was a dictionary/encyclopedia type store.
During the process of this a friend scared me by sending an instant message. I suggested that surprising boring people with instant messages when they weren’t expecting any might snap them out of their boringness. We both realized however that we did not know any people to chat with that were that boring. This caused the dilemma that neither of us could remember much of anybody boring at all (except said people in the religion department), but deciding that it was probably their loss and not ours.

As we thought over the people in the religion department, I made the comment “What would we do without them to bore us!” To this Adam replied, “We might actually start to bore ourselves… heaven forbid!” I had been thinking we might then have more fun, so this caused some heavy thought.

Jil- “I guess we wouldn't want to make the boring people too unboring! We better consider all the aspects before undertaking such an experiment. Hmm, I wonder if the boringness might be passed on to us if we attempt to get rid of it in other people!”

Adam- “An interesting thought! But how would we test this particular theory? First we would need people that would admit to being boring. How many people openly admit to being boring people?”

Jil- “I suppose we would have to watch people that might be boring and see if they really are. Of course, that is not a foolproof plan. I may have to think a while to come up with an answer to that.”

Adam- “Try not to think too long or too hard.”

Jil- “I wasn't planning on it. Thinking long and hard is quite possibly the first step to being boring. Hmm, maybe we could find someone who willing to help us test this. They wouldn't have to be boring to start out with! Of course, the results might not be the same as person boring from birth, but you take what you can get. See, you get an interesting person to do a lot of long, hard thinking until they turn boring. Then, wait awhile until they no longer lapse back into an interesting person every so often. After that, you can try making them not boring again!”

Adam- “If this is the case though and we have to make each interesting person boring, then research would take an awful long time. Do we have any theories which would provide for faster results?”

I could not figure out an answer to that question. “If we can find some already truly boring people then it wouldn't take so long. Maybe we should get a job researching this thoroughly. Then we could give excuses for taking as long as we want (or need) and we would be making money off of it.”

Adam however did not see a future in researching as something horribly exciting. “Sure,” he said,” You get lots of money, but you have to apply for all the grants, etc, and that's a lot of paperwork.” He also suggested that we change the subject because talking about boring things can get, well, a little boring after a while.

I agreed that the paperwork would not be an exciting aspect and that it was time to change subjects, but added that we would hire someone else to do the paperwork.

At a later date I informed Adam that if we were to ever experiment, we had a volunteer. I had been chatting with some other friends, but at one point commented that one of the guys, Collin, was not quite as creative as the rest of the people in the group. Collin replied that he was creative and I said, “That is good, or else you might be a good person to use in our experiment.” Brandon, another guy in the chat, then said that Collin was the perfect specimen. Collin agreed, although he had no idea what we were talking about.

At a later date I emailed Collin and asked if he still wanted to participate. I told him what the experiment would be about and he replied, “Well, that seems harmless enough. I'll participate if you want.” So, as I told Adam, “If we, or anyone else, ever decide to pursue the answer to these theories, Collin is the first person we should call.” Adam replied that it was always nice to have people volunteer for things they knew nothing about. After thinking about it for a few minutes and recalling the conversation between me and Brandon that had led up to saying Collin wasn’t as creative, I said that if I were Collin, I wouldn't want to be involved in any research I am conducting. To this Adam replied, “Yes, but you're not conducting any research... yet.... so for now he is safe.”

We also at one point discussed that Collin’s girlfriend may not believe he is boring and may object to him participating. Even thinking about it a bit more, I decided he wasn’t boring and therefore we would probably have to start with making him boring, or at least more boring. I also suggested maybe his girlfriend would agree to be in the experiment too. We also discussed the fact that people have different levels of weirdness depending upon whom they were talking to. Such as, Brandon and the others and I may not have been quite as strange in the conversation if Collin’s girlfriend had been involved, therefore Collin would not have been less creative, which means he may never have volunteered for the experiment had she been there.

As of this point in time I have maintained contact with neither Adam nor Collin, however it may not be impossible to find them. I believe Adam is not interested in such research, so I shall need to find another research assistant if I am to study Boringness. If I was to find Collin, most likely he is married and his wife would object to him being a specimen, so I am also in need of test subjects. In thinking back, David, also involved in the conversation with Brandon and Collin, may have been a better choice. He was, after all, from Boring, Oregon.

If there is anyway you could help it would be much appreciated.

Monday, June 16, 2008

11. Job 1:1

So, I was reading through an old notebook, and for the fun of it I'm going to harass you (as an old coworker was constantly saying) with my thoughts on Job. At one point I was writing my thoughts out a verse or two a day, though I stopped at Job 4:11. Mayhaps I shall finish it when I get there. It was enjoyable but took a lot more time than I seem to be willing to give God most days. I'm not certain what version of the Bible I was reading at the time, so I'll assume it was NJKV... I don't remember how long ago I wrote this either... at least 3 years.

Job 1:1
"There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil."

I wish it could be said of me that there is a woman in the City of _____, whose name is (Jil); and that woman is blameless and upright, and one who fears God and shuns evil.
Well, up until my name, that might be correct, except the word woman seems too old and wise for me (yes, even 3 or more years later it still does!). Blameless, well, confessing and being forgiven my sins might make me such, but some days I'm not sure if I'm really sorry for them. I wholeheartedly wish I was however! Upright. Well, I'm not that great at standing up straight. What exactly is upright, what is the difference between it and blameless?
Blame- to hold responsibility. Upright- being in accord with what is right.
Lord, I want to walk in Your way, the right path. Please guide me in reverent fear and faith in You. Help me to shun evil and walk blameless and upright in Your sight. Give me a love for you that overflows to others.

Job 1:2-3 -->

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

10. New shelf

I have a new bookshelf. This is an important thing, though not quite as important as when I finally got my books back. I am a bit surprised I didn't blog about that.
When I had to move last October all my books were boxed up and stored (with everything else) at my Grandma's. I had 13 banana boxes of books. When I moved in with Katia in February, I left my books because until I had everything else put in it's place they would be in the way. Unfortunately, with various things happening, I wasn't able to get them until the end of last month! I missed my books!!
Back to the shelf- Grandma called this week and told me her neighbor was getting rid of a shelf and asked it I wanted it. I'd been considering buying a couple nicer shelves for a while (and I still had a couple boxes that just didn't quite fit.), so of course I said yes.
This shelf is 7 feet tall and 3 feet wide, huge. When it's sitting there without shelves it feels like a doorway... wish I knew where it went.
I still haven't quite finished figuring out what books go where, and some of the books are still going to have to be stacked two deep, but it'll be great to have them all out so what I want can be found. This'll also be useful for when Katia wants to find something to read. Every once in a while when she comes into my room since I got my books she'll get distracted looking to see what I have.

Monday, June 9, 2008

9. Boring

I'm boring.

Hopefully so far you don't actually think so, but I am. I rarely have anything to say. I'll think back over great conversations that have happened when I hang out with friends and recall that I said maybe one sentance.

Back in college I emailed back and forth with a friend on campus and at some point we determined my topic switch was broken. (His might have been too, we were always arguing about who's turn it was to think of something to talk about.) I don't know if it was broken before college, but it hasn't been fixed yet.

How does someone become interesting? I'm not sure this is a problem I can fix. I don't want to just learn a bunch of things to spout off and "impress" (or more likely annoy) my friends. I don't know that I'll ever be quick to think of things to talk about...

Well, if you have the answers, pass them on.

[I'm not sure why I never came back before and mentioned this, most likely because no one reads my blog. :) Anyhow, Marshall posted a pretty awesome series on How to be Interesting at his bondChristian site quite a while back.]

Saturday, June 7, 2008

8. A small sign I'm from Oregon

So, I decided to sit on my balcony, 'cause sometimes it's just nice to sit outside. (I'm happy I finally have a chair out there, my lawnchair is buried in my old roommates storage space.) Why I decided to sit out there at midnight I don't know. I should be asleep. Ah well, that has little to do with the main thought of the post. It decided to start raining, and the reason this is a small sign I'm from Oregon isn't just because it was raining.
For some reason the combination of being outside but not getting wet made me wish I was camping. I haven't gone camping in ages, couldn't afford to go or get time off the last few times my friends went and my dad doesn't care much for camping so my family doesn't go. (I'm speaking of tent camping at campsites with bathrooms... RV's and trailers= not camping. Afraid I don't do any "real" camping where there are no bathrooms and no people. Mayhaps someday.)
So, back to my reasoning... I apparently have been camping too much in the rain if the rain makes me think of camping.
(I was tempted to sleep out on the balcony, but decided the sun would wake me up much to early or I'd get too wet.)