19. Friends, or Lack Thereof

[I've edited this post because, well, it served it's purpose at the time: it made me feel better after complaining to the great unknown and I even got to chat with Marshall, but, well, I don't really feel as strong as I felt this day the majority of the time, so here's the less lonely version (which is still a little stronger than I usually express my feelings, but I guess it's good to speak your mind on occasion.]

Sometimes I really hate days off. I mean, I look forward to them all week, but... well, what do you do with days off? Today I did: nothing.
Some days I don't mind doing nothing (watching TV, reading a book, etc.), but sometimes I really want to do something (not sure what something is.) Last time I felt this way I got lucky. I was housesitting for my aunt and uncle and my cousin came home for the weekend. He invited me to go watch the batman movie with him and his friends.
Today... my roommate is gone for the weekend (not that I usually do anything with her, but at least it's someone to say hi to)... and I have nothing to do (Well, technically I could vacuum and do dishes). It doesn't help that I have no money so I can't really go anywhere.
And I have no friends.
Okay, so I have friends, I've mentioned a few before, but no close friends. None of them call me, none of them invite me to do things. It's just, we're group friends, I'm part of the group... and nobody in the group is that talkative.
I hate talking on the phone, my intelligence level drops in half when talking on the phone. And yet, I wish people would call me. And yes, I realize maybe I should call someone... but who? I really don't know. They all have other friends they do things with, or they're always really busy with school and such.
My old roommate, Caitie, despite being my best friend (whatever that really means), never calls me and probably doesn't miss me since she has a boyfriend now.
I don't know if it's me, everyone else, or just God saying wait... I'm really tired of being lonely, but I don't know how to fix it.
I don't believe in leaving where I am just for the stupid selfish reason that I might find friends or love somewhere else.
I'll probably be happier tomorrow, when I'll see most of my group friends, and all the other people at church that I love.
But still, what good are days off if I always spend them alone?

6. Lonely

I'm lonely.
I just feel like telling someone besides God at the moment, maybe to give myself the illusion that at least someone out there may care. I may be an evil blogger at some point and tell you all about how lonely I am and why I'm lonely and such, but tonight it will just help me a little if I say "out loud" that I'm lonely.
I wonder, as I noticed my poem-thing before, if you could already guess I was lonely by the poem. There's some line in there about being lonely. I dunno.
I guess this is just one of those days. [shrugs]