Saturday, August 30, 2008

19. Friends, or Lack Thereof

[I've edited this post because, well, it served it's purpose at the time: it made me feel better after complaining to the great unknown and I even got to chat with Marshall, but, well, I don't really feel as strong as I felt this day the majority of the time, so here's the less lonely version (which is still a little stronger than I usually express my feelings, but I guess it's good to speak your mind on occasion.]

Sometimes I really hate days off. I mean, I look forward to them all week, but... well, what do you do with days off? Today I did: nothing.
Some days I don't mind doing nothing (watching TV, reading a book, etc.), but sometimes I really want to do something (not sure what something is.) Last time I felt this way I got lucky. I was housesitting for my aunt and uncle and my cousin came home for the weekend. He invited me to go watch the batman movie with him and his friends.
Today... my roommate is gone for the weekend (not that I usually do anything with her, but at least it's someone to say hi to)... and I have nothing to do (Well, technically I could vacuum and do dishes). It doesn't help that I have no money so I can't really go anywhere.
And I have no friends.
Okay, so I have friends, I've mentioned a few before, but no close friends. None of them call me, none of them invite me to do things. It's just, we're group friends, I'm part of the group... and nobody in the group is that talkative.
I hate talking on the phone, my intelligence level drops in half when talking on the phone. And yet, I wish people would call me. And yes, I realize maybe I should call someone... but who? I really don't know. They all have other friends they do things with, or they're always really busy with school and such.
My old roommate, Caitie, despite being my best friend (whatever that really means), never calls me and probably doesn't miss me since she has a boyfriend now.
I don't know if it's me, everyone else, or just God saying wait... I'm really tired of being lonely, but I don't know how to fix it.
I don't believe in leaving where I am just for the stupid selfish reason that I might find friends or love somewhere else.
I'll probably be happier tomorrow, when I'll see most of my group friends, and all the other people at church that I love.
But still, what good are days off if I always spend them alone?


  1. So don't be alone when you have time off. Everyone wants to have unlimited invitations to do things. Why not start?

    Ask someone you know to do something with you instead of waiting for them to ask.

  2. I think that was kind of the point of my post... ask who to do what? I don't have any close enough friends to invite over to do nothing.
    I probably think about things too much... because I also think that if I was talking to you in-person I could give reasonable excuses for why I'm not better friends with my "friends" and why I most likely never will be. (1/2 of the group I've known forever, 2/3 are guys, and only 1 lives within 15 minutes of me... and so on for some surface excuses.)
    Beyond my group friends, I do need to give my old roommate a call... and at the moment I can't think of anyone else I know that I really want to be friends with.
    So, good advice, sorry I'm at a loss of how to apply it, and thanks much for stopping by. :)

  3. Fine, let's just talk on here. I'm no expert on friends, but I like them.

    How's Oregon? That's where you are, right? I've been to over half the states in the U.S., but not Oregon. I've missed all the northwestern states. I know some people that live there and a Steely Dan song called "Don't Take Me Alive" mentions it (I know that's random), but other than that, I don't know anything about it.

    Let me know.

    I live in Kentucky. What comes to mind when you think of that state? (Don't be nice.) :>)

    Let me know.

  4. Yups, Oregon... I like it here, but then I've lived here my whole life so that's probly slightly expected. Been a bit rainy the last few days.
    Afraid I've never heard of Steely Dan or his song before. I looked it up on YouTube... if you hadn't told me he was saying Oregon I think it would have taken me a while to figure it out. His is more of a Or-ay-gone and it's said here closer to Or-eh-gun.
    Well... I don't have anything mean to say about Kentucky (sorry?). I know it about as well as you know Oregon (or maybe less, don't know anyone there and don't recall any songs that mention it.) Although, it is one of the states I like (how I can like or dislike states I know nothing about, don't know, but I like Kentucky more than Oklahoma, the Dakotas or Utah... but less than Pennsylvania or Ohio.)
    I have been to Arizona when I was 1 and 3, Florida for a few days last September, Idaho for my sister's friend's wedding, and other than that Oregon and Washington (lots of relatives in Washington).

  5. Yeah, Steely Dan is known for their *strange* lyrics. It took me forever to figure out what he was saying. Maybe that explains why I remember it so well now.

    About Kentucky, I've lived here for a while, but it still seems like Kentucky is one of the most random states, save perhaps North Dakota. Not sure why.

    My uncle lived in Washington for two years or so. I don't think of Oregon as that rainy of a place, but definitely Washington.

    Do you like rain?

  6. Oregon and Washington have very similar weather I believe. It depends on which side of the mountains you live on... eastern Oregon and Washington are dry, western is wetter.
    I live in the Willamette valley (between the two mountain ranges)... it's a good place, about an hour to the coast, about an hour to the mountains on the other side... pretty and green.
    I used to not like the rain, it can get kind of depressing, but now that I'm older I like it better and am ready for some rain when fall comes around.
    So... what's the weather like in Kentucky? And do you like rain?

  7. Yeah, I like rain. Random note: a few weeks ago, I went canoeing while it was raining. At first, I thought it was going to be miserable in a canoe in the rain for hours, but it turned out to be the best canoe trip I've taken.

    I lived in California when I was young. There weren't many thunderstorms there. When my family moved to Kentucky, that was one thing we really enjoyed. I remember watching for entire afternoons as lightning and thunder went off all around. I still like it.

    Weather here is... unpredictable. It's called to Ohio River Valley. We have some of the weirdest weather in the country. It can go from raining to sunny to raining in only a matter of minutes. We get snow in the winter, but it's hot in the summer. Not hot like Death Valley, hot like a rainforest. It's humid hot.

    Here’s something strange even for around here though. Last month, the hurricane that hit down in Texas had a ripple effect that sent wind our way. Many people here lost power for over a week because of all the downed trees. It was crazy.

    Right now, it's 11:36p.m. here, which means it's 8:36p.m. in Oregon, right? The weather is cool, but I can hear crickets chirping outside.

    If I wasn't so tired... I'd be wide-awake. Okay, now I'm getting weird.

  8. Ahh, canoeing in the rain sounds fun! So does watching the lightening... though I was scared of thunder and lightening when I was little.
    Yeah, we have days here that can't make up there mind either... I remember once someone coming to talk at a church and them mentioning that it had been sunny, rained and either hailed or snowed all that day. I love it when it's raining and sunny at the same time.
    We don't get much snow where I am :( . It'll only stick overnight once or twice a year. We get slush a fair amount though. It can get too hot here in the summer in my opinion, but most the time the humidity isn't terrible. When I was in Florida last September I couldn't believe how humid it was. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Why do people live there?!
    Yup, you're correct on the time difference. I was wondering whether Kentucky was a 2 or 3 hour difference.
    You mean you haven't always been weird? That would be sad. :)
    So, btw, how did you happen across my blog?

  9. I meant to reply to this last night. I was up late (as I’m sure I will be tonight) writing one of two papers that are due tomorrow. I read your response and planned on replying after I took a brief nap (it was in the middle of the night already, so I’m not sure it would’ve been considered a nap). The next thing I knew, I was waking up at around 7:00. No fair. Not only did I not get any more writing in, which I really needed to do, I also wasn’t able to comment here. Is that too much information?

    Here’s some more.

    It’s about as humid in Kentucky when it’s hot as it is in Florida, though without all the cool stuff like alligators and beaches and so on.

    The only reason I know the time difference is because I know you’re on Pacific Time because you’re in Oregon, which borders the coast, which is the same time as California where some of my relatives still live. Guessing what time zone I’m on is much more difficult. In fact, I can drive for about half an hour and get to a different time zone. But alas, I’m on Eastern Standard. Let’s see, it’s about 3:15 where you are.

    You’re right; I’ve always been weird. Sometimes it shows more than others though. In Louisville where I live, there’s a common bumper sticker that says, “Keep Louisville weird.” I guess I fit right in with that, although I don’t necessarily fit in with your average Kentuckian or Louisvillian (if that’s a word).

    Finally, I found your blog through a random Google search. I don’t even remember the terms I used, but anyway, I clicked deep into the results like page 13 or something (I don’t really remember). Somewhere in there I found your blog and this post. So I read it and commented. Interesting, huh?

  10. Tisk, tisk... sleeping when you're s'posed 't be writing. Hope you got/get your papers done in time. I hate writing papers. I can pretend I'm okay at writing fiction, but I'm terrible at writing papers. (Not much better at blogging either, lol.)
    What are you writing on? What class are they for?
    I forgive you for not commenting right away. I can't get too greedy, you are not my slave to comment everytime I want a comment.
    As long as you're the interesting and a bit strange kind of weird and not the freaky, scary type... being weird is good. If you read post 12 (I do not remember why I numbered the posts and will probably take off the numbers one of these days), you'll see a bit of my opinion on weird people.
    Louisvillian... hehe, are you sure it shouldn't be Louisvillain?
    My sister met someone once who called us Oregonites which sounds really silly to me.
    That's funny that you found me so randomly.

  11. It's 5:40a.m. here. I've finished one paper and am almost finished with the other. I'm about to go to sleep though. I haven't slept much lately.

    Both papers are for Philosophy classes. One's on German Idealism and the other's on Metaphysics. Fun, ah?

    No, I'm not the freaky scary type. Well, not anymore (I forgot for a second that I had dreadlocks a few years ago; that's a story for another time).

    Since I'm too tired to write anything else here, check out NaNoWriMo if you even have an inkling of fiction writing in you. Google it and let me know what you think.

  12. Yes, fun... with such papers as those no wonder my comment on thinking worried you. :)
    I do believe it's unlikely you would admit to totally being the scary kind of weird if you actually were. Dreadlocks are kinda cool, so I dunno that they could make someone freakyweird. But, I don't recall knowing anyone that had any, so I could be wrong.
    Nanowrimo, yes, I know it. :) Lele told me about (unfortunately, she's been too busy to do it since I've known her. She wrote a story about camel thieves once, it sounds quite funny, at some point I need to convince her to let me read it). I tried last year and failed, I think I got to 13,000 words. (I'm not sure moving at the end of October and beginning of November helped.) I plan to try again this year. Haven't figured out what I'm going to write about yet though. Have you tried it?

  13. Exactly, who’s going to come out and say they’re totally weird? Well, now that I’m thinking of it, a weird person might.

    Dreadlocks: mine didn’t really dread too well so I jokingly call them elflocks.

    NaNoWriMo: You tried last year? That was the first I heard about it. My English professor asked me if I was interested in creative writing. I said I wasn’t really, but she gave me a printout of the instructions anyway. For some reason, it really sparked something in me. I tried it, though at the time I was taking six classes.

    I ended up making it out of the semester with a good GPA, and I finished my story. Technically, I’m not a winner because at the time I couldn’t figure out how to upload my story to the NaNo site. But I did finish over 50,000 words in November. I’m extremely glad I did it and would recommend it to anyone. Hey, that’s what I just tried to do.

    It gave me a completely different perspective on novels and authors. Plus, how many people can say they’ve written a novel, much less in one month?

    I so enjoyed it in fact that I also tried to write a script in April, which happened to coincide with finals. Busy, busy. Did you know about the Script Frenzy? I finished that also (reaching over 100 pages). I didn’t enjoy that as much because I didn’t have a great a story. Toward the end I was pretty much forcing it. The story wasn’t going anywhere, but I wanted to complete it.

    Overall, they’ve been great accomplishments. I’m not trying NaNo this year because I have some other plans, but if you haven’t completed it yet, go for it.

  14. Hey, don't have time to respond at the moment and I'll be gone for the weekend, so, ttyl, have a nice weekend.

  15. Can I mention your blog over at bondChristian? I'm doing a "How to be interesting" series that was inspired in a way by this blog.

    Let me know.

    How was your weekend?

  16. Hey. :)
    Good weekend, went to Women of Faith with my mom and aunt. How was your weekend? Catch up on any sleep or did you have more papers in need of writing?
    I heard about Script Frenzy, haven't tried it yet.
    Feel free to mention me, I don't mind.

  17. I slept a bit, but I woke up tired this morning. Not sure why.

    You're officially linked to now.

  18. That's annoying... I've been waking up early all this past week. (That is, waking up and being awake enough that I'll get up instead of rolling back over for more sleep.) I'm not sure if it has something to do with rearranging my room.
    I've a cold today. :(
    So, that's what's up with me. 'bout ye?

  19. Sorry I've been out of it for a while.

    Let's see, I just finished posting the rest of the "How To Be Interesting" series. I thought I had set it up to post automatically. That didn't happen though. Sorry if you were trying to keep up.

    I haven't been online (except Facebook) for the past couple of days. This evening (turning into morning) was my catch up time. Kinda crazy but really fun.

    Tomorrow I think I'm going over to a friend's house to try out a new zipline they put up. That should be fun / dangerous.

    Once again, I'm tired (it seems like I'm always saying that with you) it's 6:43a.m., and I haven't gone to sleep. I'll probably sleep for few hours then try to get up.

    What's up with you in Oregon? How early is early for you?

    I'm somewhat of a student of sleep or rather the lack of it. Ever heard of polyphasic sleeping? I think I actually mention it somewhere in that series.

    Anyway, thanks for commenting over a bondChristian.

    Good night... or... good morning, Jil.

  20. Ah, hey, welcome back!
    I've got your blog on google reader, so I figured I'd just wait for it to pop up when you got back to it. I was a little surprised it was on automatic, but that explains it. :) I've done that before, though since I've no schedule to my posts, it didn't matter.
    Hope you enjoyed the zipline, and that it wasn't too dangerous!
    It's been a while since I've stayed up 'til that late in the morning. About 8 years probably. I did stay up until 4am when I hung out with my cousin (as mentioned in the above blog), but I had church the next morning and work that afternoon, so I couldn't stay up later. According to your post it was 3:48am here when you responded. It's currently 9:24pm here.
    Not a whole lot is going on here at the moment. I spent a couple hours earlier today with a few ladies from a Bible study. Later I finished sorting through some clothes and cleaned up my room a tiny bit.
    Most of today has been spent fighting with my computer. There is a wiring short or something that my dad fixed once before and probably won't be able to fix again... so, my computer won't stay plugged in very well and it took forever to get it to have power and turn on. I think this is the 4th time I've started it today. I shall probably not have a working computer soon, and I've no money to buy another. :(
    So, that's what's happening here. I'm off to read the rest of your series. :) Cya.

  21. Thanks for subscribing.

    I hope your computer keeps running.

    I didn't do the zip line thing. Some other things came up so that party was cancelled. It's 3:00a.m. here, and tomorrow is Sunday. I'm getting some sleep.

    One Question before I go (hmm...): If you could ask just one question to get to know someone, what would it be?

    Good night.

  22. You had to ask me a hard question eh? meany.
    I don't know. I guess that question would be a pretty good one... I am not good at questions, I feel proud of myself if I remember to ask people anything, even how they are! People who ask questions and know how to start conversations are amazing to me.
    I'll have to think on it some more. (I do much prefer multiple choice tests.)
    My whole family is fairly quiet. You pretty much have to force my brother to talk.
    Do you have siblings?
    That one would probably say a fair amount about a person... at least if you got them to answer it with more than a yes or no.
    My computer is sort of behaving today... I have the cord pinned down with a mug of pens at just the right angle... it's probably going to make the cord worse (if that's the problem) in the long run, but for today it works.
    No zip line? Awww.
    Well, I think I'll get some sleep, so goodnight to you too.

  23. Hi Jil,

    Quoting myself (how vain): “If you could ask just one question to get to know someone, what would it be?”

    That’s probably what I would ask. Trouble is, few people can answer it.

    If you’re trying to learn to ask questions, be sure to start with easy ones. Otherwise you get no response. (too bad I don't take my own advice)

    The first presentation, excuse me, the second presentation I did in college was about questions, how they work, and how to ask them. I didn’t really know if it was going to be a good topic, but it turned out really well, and I got a good response from it. See, I’ve always asked. It’s not hard for me, but apparently it’s great for others to learn about it.

    That’s one of the things I’ll probably revisit from my “Conversation Cake” post – questions. I’m fairly good at that part. It’s the other parts I struggle with.

    Speaking of questions, here’re some better (random) ones to answer:

    1) Do you only have one brother? (yes/no)

    2) If I told you your brother fell down, would you be surprised? (yes/no)

    3) Do you like “what’s your favorite…” questions? (for example, what’s your favorite water activity or orange food, etc?) (yes/no)

    Multiple choice (I can’t stand these test in school)

    4) You’d prefer living…
    a. In the country with a well in your backyard to get water
    b. On the eighth floor of an apartment in New York City
    c. Out in the space station (but only for a month)

    5) Which makes the most sense to you…
    a. Eating chili with peanut butter
    b. Calculus
    c. Using the weather as fall back conversation topic

    6.) Which of the following would you most like to learn how to do…
    a) speak in front of crowds
    b) play the piano
    c) fend off ninjas with a samurai sword
    d) speed read

    7.) Which would scare you the most…
    a) waking up to find you book collection in ashes
    b) someone walking up to you at a grocery store and knowing your name and social security number
    c) riding a roller coaster that has never been tested

    Zipline will likely commence this Saturday.

    And yes, I have any siblings… I have three brothers and a sister. What do you want to know about them?

    (Sorry this is so long… questions get they way with me.)

  24. Didn't I reply already?

    If not, let me know please.

    - Marshall

  25. Sorry, yes you did... I gave my computer to my dad to fix. I'm over there briefly trying to figure out benefit junk and don't have time at the moment to really reply. Dad's got my computer halfway fixed though, so I'll get back to you soon.

  26. So, hey, I'm finally getting back to you. How've you been the last while? Forgotten me yet?

    Well, to answer your random little quiz thing...
    1. yes
    2. yes
    3. no (or not sure)
    4. a
    5. c
    6. I can't learn all of them? I guess I don't really need to speed read, I read fast enough. I'm unlikely to ever run into any ninjas. I used to play piano, so relearning it would be cool, but I guess a wins (though if I was speaking a speak someone else had written I'd probably be okay.)
    7. a and b almost tie, but a probably wins (I don't do roller coasters at all, don't like heights and get a little motion sick.)
    So, now you know... and yes, I cheated and explained some of my answers.
    I hate essay questions. I look at them and my mind goes blank. And then, my brain tends to summerize very well, but be terrible at explaning or expanding on details, so my answers end up being one or two sentances when they want half a page.
    (I'd do a lot better at nanowrimo if I didn't have that problem too. I've made it to 3000 words so far, lol.)

    I don't recall if I wanted to know anything specific about your siblings. Is there anything super-cool about them or are they just ordinary boring siblings?

    Did you get to enjoy the zipline?

    Well, I've got my computer back (if you couldn't guess) all fixed for the moment (yippee! I love my dad.)

    Have a good day (or night)!