[I've edited this post because, well, it served it's purpose at the time: it made me feel better after complaining to the great unknown and I even got to chat with Marshall, but, well, I don't really feel as strong as I felt this day the majority of the time, so here's the less lonely version (which is still a little stronger than I usually express my feelings, but I guess it's good to speak your mind on occasion.]
Sometimes I really hate days off. I mean, I look forward to them all week, but... well, what do you do with days off? Today I did: nothing.
Some days I don't mind doing nothing (watching TV, reading a book, etc.), but sometimes I really want to do something (not sure what something is.) Last time I felt this way I got lucky. I was housesitting for my aunt and uncle and my cousin came home for the weekend. He invited me to go watch the batman movie with him and his friends.
Today... my roommate is gone for the weekend (not that I usually do anything with her, but at least it's someone to say hi to)... and I have nothing to do (Well, technically I could vacuum and do dishes). It doesn't help that I have no money so I can't really go anywhere.
And I have no friends.
Okay, so I have friends, I've mentioned a few before, but no close friends. None of them call me, none of them invite me to do things. It's just, we're group friends, I'm part of the group... and nobody in the group is that talkative.
I hate talking on the phone, my intelligence level drops in half when talking on the phone. And yet, I wish people would call me. And yes, I realize maybe I should call someone... but who? I really don't know. They all have other friends they do things with, or they're always really busy with school and such.
My old roommate, Caitie, despite being my best friend (whatever that really means), never calls me and probably doesn't miss me since she has a boyfriend now.
I don't know if it's me, everyone else, or just God saying wait... I'm really tired of being lonely, but I don't know how to fix it.
I don't believe in leaving where I am just for the stupid selfish reason that I might find friends or love somewhere else.
I'll probably be happier tomorrow, when I'll see most of my group friends, and all the other people at church that I love.
But still, what good are days off if I always spend them alone?
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
18. Family Trips
This summer my family drove up to visit some of our relatives. I haven't been on a car trip with them for a while, so it was a fond reminder of all those hated family trips. Most of my extended family lives in Washington (this being where my parents grew up), so most family vacations growing up consisted of driving to Washington. Happily, we were meeting the extended family at a campground 3 hours away instead of the 8 hours away that they live.
So... car trips. I'm sure you've experienced a few... telling younger siblings to stop singing because you want to listen to the music, only to have a hard time not singing yourself. The annoying feel of your brothers sleeve constantly brushing against your arm. How boring it all gets so that you desperately start looking for letters on license plates and signs to keep yourself entertained.
Well, there are a few things that are annoying even as an adult. The major one, now that I can drive it is certainly harder being a passenger! I admit, I don't really care for the way my dad drives. This isn't because he's a bad driver. After all, he's worked many years as a driver... but this also means that he's driven a lot by himself. He also tends to get mad at bad drivers, and if you're tailgating, he'll stomp on the brakes to get you to back off. It's very hard to stay asleep when the car jerks suddenly.
We also have assigned seating in the car, and my place sucks. Gem gets carsick (even still as an adult, just not near as bad), so she gets to sit up front. Dad drives of course. Mom sits up front in the middle (I think because she's smaller, and because she likes sitting next to dad). Ian has long legs, so he sits behind Gem, because her seat is normally not quite as far back as dad's (which makes it a bit awkward for mom in the middle, especially in this car which doesn't have a real seat behind the middle, just an arm-rest in up position). This leaves shorter me behind dad... so I have to lean one way or the other to see out. I don't get motion sick as easily as Gem, but I will if I'm not watching out the window. Then, dad is constantly putting his arm up on the window sill and taking it down, so if I'm watching that way, I have to lean the other way... and leaning means I end up putting my arms to sleep.
So... I sleep most of the way there and back, because otherwise I go crazy! The main problem with this is that my dad prefers to go up the back way, and that is closer to their house. So I'm the one that has to get up and drive over way too early (though with 4 people in the house with 1 bathroom vs 2 people with 2 bathrooms, I don't have to get up earlier than them), and then drive the half hour home, by myself, after sleeping (which can sure make it hard to stay awake while driving), at about 11 pm.
But, if it wasn't for the travel... it was really great to see my relatives since I haven't gotten to see some of them for quite a while.
So... car trips. I'm sure you've experienced a few... telling younger siblings to stop singing because you want to listen to the music, only to have a hard time not singing yourself. The annoying feel of your brothers sleeve constantly brushing against your arm. How boring it all gets so that you desperately start looking for letters on license plates and signs to keep yourself entertained.
Well, there are a few things that are annoying even as an adult. The major one, now that I can drive it is certainly harder being a passenger! I admit, I don't really care for the way my dad drives. This isn't because he's a bad driver. After all, he's worked many years as a driver... but this also means that he's driven a lot by himself. He also tends to get mad at bad drivers, and if you're tailgating, he'll stomp on the brakes to get you to back off. It's very hard to stay asleep when the car jerks suddenly.
We also have assigned seating in the car, and my place sucks. Gem gets carsick (even still as an adult, just not near as bad), so she gets to sit up front. Dad drives of course. Mom sits up front in the middle (I think because she's smaller, and because she likes sitting next to dad). Ian has long legs, so he sits behind Gem, because her seat is normally not quite as far back as dad's (which makes it a bit awkward for mom in the middle, especially in this car which doesn't have a real seat behind the middle, just an arm-rest in up position). This leaves shorter me behind dad... so I have to lean one way or the other to see out. I don't get motion sick as easily as Gem, but I will if I'm not watching out the window. Then, dad is constantly putting his arm up on the window sill and taking it down, so if I'm watching that way, I have to lean the other way... and leaning means I end up putting my arms to sleep.
So... I sleep most of the way there and back, because otherwise I go crazy! The main problem with this is that my dad prefers to go up the back way, and that is closer to their house. So I'm the one that has to get up and drive over way too early (though with 4 people in the house with 1 bathroom vs 2 people with 2 bathrooms, I don't have to get up earlier than them), and then drive the half hour home, by myself, after sleeping (which can sure make it hard to stay awake while driving), at about 11 pm.
But, if it wasn't for the travel... it was really great to see my relatives since I haven't gotten to see some of them for quite a while.
Friday, August 8, 2008
17. Pens and Time Travel
I realized the other day that I couldn't go back in time. I'd go crazy!
I need my pens!
The smooth slide across paper (I couldn't do without paper either!)... there is something so satisfying about it, even if I have nothing to write. (There is oddly somewhat of the same satisfying feeling when typing.)
I imagined standing back in time (not sure when, my imagination is a little fuzzy in the history department) and needing to sign something. So I pull my pen out of my back pocket (why the fact that wearing jeans would stand out didn't cross my mind?) and they would ask (A lady and her 13 year old son and 16 year old daughter, and maybe a couple smaller children, the details weren't that clear) "What on earth is that?" And I would say a pen and reach out to write.
The paper would be pulled away and I'd end up drawing on my hand to show it was really just a pen. This would of course make them even more horrified (the father joining the group at this point.)
So, I would give in and put my pen away before it was stolen and burned and I couldn't have it anymore.
Then I'd turn the quill in several directions and have to ask how to use it. At which "mother" would shake her head and "brother" would laugh and "sister" would think I'm stupid.
After I finally slaughter my writing, cringing all the while at the scratch of the quill on the paper, they would all laugh at my abysmal penmanship which isn't really that bad.... I can read it fine anyway.
Anyhow... my favorite pen at the moment is Pilot Precise Grip (bold). They carried them at Walmart until a couple weeks ago. Argh! At least other stores still sell them. I admit, my favorite part about them (and my friend Frankie's too) is that they write really well on skin and it can take a while to wash off.
My cousin gave me one of her favorite pens, Staedtler liquid point 7 is what it says, dunno where she buys them. They don't write on skin well :( , but they are one of the least scratchy fine point pens I've used.
Pilot precise V7 is pretty good, though extra fine is too scratchy and you have to go to certain stores to get the fine tip.
But, there are lots of other good options out there. If you care about pens, I happened across these review sites: http://penaddiction.blogspot.com/ , http://www.penreview.com/ , and http://penquest.wordpress.com/ .
I need my pens!
The smooth slide across paper (I couldn't do without paper either!)... there is something so satisfying about it, even if I have nothing to write. (There is oddly somewhat of the same satisfying feeling when typing.)
I imagined standing back in time (not sure when, my imagination is a little fuzzy in the history department) and needing to sign something. So I pull my pen out of my back pocket (why the fact that wearing jeans would stand out didn't cross my mind?) and they would ask (A lady and her 13 year old son and 16 year old daughter, and maybe a couple smaller children, the details weren't that clear) "What on earth is that?" And I would say a pen and reach out to write.
The paper would be pulled away and I'd end up drawing on my hand to show it was really just a pen. This would of course make them even more horrified (the father joining the group at this point.)
So, I would give in and put my pen away before it was stolen and burned and I couldn't have it anymore.
Then I'd turn the quill in several directions and have to ask how to use it. At which "mother" would shake her head and "brother" would laugh and "sister" would think I'm stupid.
After I finally slaughter my writing, cringing all the while at the scratch of the quill on the paper, they would all laugh at my abysmal penmanship which isn't really that bad.... I can read it fine anyway.
Anyhow... my favorite pen at the moment is Pilot Precise Grip (bold). They carried them at Walmart until a couple weeks ago. Argh! At least other stores still sell them. I admit, my favorite part about them (and my friend Frankie's too) is that they write really well on skin and it can take a while to wash off.
My cousin gave me one of her favorite pens, Staedtler liquid point 7 is what it says, dunno where she buys them. They don't write on skin well :( , but they are one of the least scratchy fine point pens I've used.
Pilot precise V7 is pretty good, though extra fine is too scratchy and you have to go to certain stores to get the fine tip.
But, there are lots of other good options out there. If you care about pens, I happened across these review sites: http://penaddiction.blogspot.com/ , http://www.penreview.com/ , and http://penquest.wordpress.com/ .
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