Friday, May 30, 2008

7. Wait, I should be...


As I checked my email tonight I was reminded again how lousy my prayer life is. I receive the church prayer chain through email and on it was an update from my mom about my grandpa's surgery that happened today. (My mom knows I get the prayer chain so she doesn't have to tell me also.) The thing is, it hit me that people in my church are praying (at least, I assume some people do pray about things on the prayer chain!) for my grandpa, and I haven't.

Prayer is a struggle for me. I don't know how people do it....

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

6. Lonely

I'm lonely.
I just feel like telling someone besides God at the moment, maybe to give myself the illusion that at least someone out there may care. I may be an evil blogger at some point and tell you all about how lonely I am and why I'm lonely and such, but tonight it will just help me a little if I say "out loud" that I'm lonely.
I wonder, as I noticed my poem-thing before, if you could already guess I was lonely by the poem. There's some line in there about being lonely. I dunno.
I guess this is just one of those days. [shrugs]

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

5. Silly poem

A constant noise in the background

Crying out to be heard

A voice whispering across your conscience

This isn't what you deserve

It's absurd that you won't listen

Don't say it isn't true

That whoever admits they're lonely

Living lies that can't be proved

Amaze the living creatures

With your poetic poetry

And confuse the reasonable dreamers

With your constant unvariety

All praise the Lord Most High

All honor to His name

Avoid the noise and the whisper

Cling to this one thing

That only God most High

Can ever know your name

Just thought I'd post this. Found it in one of my notebooks, along with the notes at the bottom: "Huh? Why do I write? I'm afraid to read it again. It's probably pretty absurd. But hey- at least I wrote something." It is a weird poem, though there are a few lines I like, but mostly it's just weird. Probably the oddest thing about it to me is the way I started talking about praising God at the end. Not that there is anything weird about praising God!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

3. Why the blog

So, if anyone is reading this, you may be wondering why I really started a blog if I don't intend to tell people I have a blog. (See first post.) Well, I did tell one person, but as he's an online friend that doesn't really count.
Well, most likely you don't care, but since it's my blog and there is probably nobody reading it, I can write about what I want. (You may be thankful I have to leave for work in 20 minutes.)
I'm not really a blogger mostly because I can't write and think while online and on the computer. (I am copying something already written on paper, it's sad.) However, sometimes I'd like to get my thoughts out where people could read them. I just don't want the people I know to read them. You know what I mean? I guess I want the me- the real me and the me I want me to be to show- instead of the fake, apathetic me.
Anyhow, reading a blog (by someone I don't know, linking from another blog of someone I don't know, linking from someone's sorta blog that I sorta know), well, she has some inspiring blogs and it made me feel like I should be writing one too. (of course, this is silly since I'm unlikely to blog anything inspiring or all that interesting) Or maybe it's the fact that I owe God (don't ask, I know there's no such thing as bargaining with God) and this could help fulfill it leans on my mind, but mostly I think I just want a place to alternate between showing off and being "real" with the chance of changing lives- without the people I know knowing I'm "not really me".
It's ridiculous. What would I blog about? The everyday stuff? The life altering stuff that hasn't altered my life?
That is, I have a tendency to be apathetic in most of my life, but I'm actually afraid to stop being so because then other people might realize how really apathetic I am. Ouch?
Therefore, I guess the point of the blog is to make me express my opinions and thoughts, to be bolder in my beliefs and my goal is to carry this over in my actions and reactions.
And if anyone read that and cares, yay. :)
And if anyone doesn't, that shouldn't effect the results (if there are any.)
Well, off to work go I. [sigh] Cya!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

2. It's not my fault!

Okay, so maybe it could be... most likely it is, but I really can't prove it either way.
I was supposed to go with friends over to the coast today to visit Lele (names changed for... whatever, etc. etc.) since she's over there studying for a term at Hatfield Marine Science Center and we miss her. We were to leave the church at 9am.
At approximately 6:11 this morning I woke to a faint knocking sound. I wasn't certain whether it was my roommate doing something or someone at the door, or someone knocking at the next door. I got up after it continued a while to check if my roommate was up and here (she gets up early to run) and after determining that she was I used the bathroom and went back to sleep figuring she must be making the noise.
I woke up a little after 10 when Katia came home. I don't know what happened to my alarm (set for 8am), I don't recall it going off. She said my sister had called her since she couldn't get ahold of me (why would my cell phone be on, I was sleeping and had no plans to wake up until my alarm went off.) ... Katia had misread my schedule and thought I was working today so she had no idea. She said that it hadn't been her making noises, there was some guy knocking on the door that she didn't know, apparently he and his friend we're parking down next to my car (in a non-parking spot) with license plates from arizona... she didn't open the door so this'll remain a mystery.
So... we can blame my alarm, we can blame the guy waking me up so I used the bathroom too early, we can blame Kale for introducing me to a new webcomic so that I stayed up too late reading.
Ah well... at least I got a couple things done today instead of hanging out with friends.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

1. Just hello for now

I should be asleep, but I feel that if I'm going to start a blog, I should at least say hello. After all, being the non-blogging sort (I think), and a procrastinator, who knows when I'll write next. This is one reason why at this point I don't plan to tell anyone I know that I have a blog. Maybe after a while, if I actually blog consistently, I will. Maybe not. I'll tell you (will anyone ever read this if I don't tell anyone I have a blog?) later.
Anyhow, hello. Sweet dreams.